Sleepless Night

It’s 7:08 in the morning. According to Google the sun will rise at 7:54. I’m in bed but I haven’t slept a wink. 

There’s a lot on my mind these days. I’m in a transitional stage. I’m at point A and I need to get to point B soon but I don’t have a clear path to get from here to there. My ankle is finally starting to heal but I’m finding that I have to teach my body to use my ankle. My gait is herky jerky but I’ll get back to my regular self in no time. The money thing always keeps me up. There is never enough and I’m constantly living hand to mouth. It’s been a while since I’ve worked. I really need to find employment soon. Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. I’m a 40 year old single gay man. I might as well move into the gay retirement home. The gay community is focused on youth and beauty. I feel I have no place there. I wonder if I’m destined to be alone. So far classes are manageable. I’m not where I need to be but at least I went easier on myself this semester. My mom’s birthday was yesterday. During the course of our conversation yesterday she gave me some distressing news. My dad went to see his cardiologist on Friday. It didn’t go well. He was basically told that his heart was too weak, that he was on the strongest heart medication that the pharmaceutical companies make and there wasn’t much left that his doctors could do. And I’m up because I can’t understand the world I’m currently living in. I don’t understand how we so easily tear each other down instead of raising each other up. I still feel I’m living in a dream. Sad thing is I know this is reality. I guess I’m not coping with things as much as I’d like to believe. And I apologize for the absence of paragraph breaks. I’m not going to get any sleep but I needed to empty my mind before morning comes. Sun rises in about 20 minutes now so I might as well get out of bed, make some breakfast and watch the sun rise.

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